A Bechdel Test for Relationships
Dear Elizabeth,
I’m a straight man engaged to a bisexual woman who truly amazes me. We have a wonderful connection both emotionally and physically. Before our relationship, she mostly dated women, and that makes me a bit uneasy. She remains friends with several of her ex-girlfriends, including one she still wants to travel with for rock climbing. Since there aren’t many local spots suitable for climbing, I understand the idea, yet I can’t help but worry about her long-term commitment to monogamy.
Sincerely,
Bedrock
“Of course she’s friends with her exes. It’s one of the many great lesbian stereotypes (a very tongue-in-cheek explanation here). I would argue it’s something straight people could benefit from learning.”
If you liked someone enough to date them, why shouldn’t you be able to maintain a friendship afterward? It shows maturity and emotional awareness. It’s also meaningful that you acknowledge and respect her orientation. Female bisexuality is often dismissed as temporary, especially during college years, which are seen as experimental for many. But for some women, this identity remains a core part of who they are throughout life.
Author’s Summary
The letter explores insecurities in a cross-orientation relationship and the importance of trust, respect, and acceptance of a partner’s bisexual identity.